


i keep this moment by and by

by terpsichorean



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash, Team as Family, hinted daniel jackson/teal'c/vala mal doran, mentioned daniel jackson/vala mal doran, mentioned jack o'neill/sam carter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terpsichorean/pseuds/terpsichorean
Summary: Snapshots of 5 Christmases Teal'c spends with SG-1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this is probably the most self indulgent thing i have ever written, because i basically wrote it to make myself feel better lol. i don't really have any kind of posting/writing schedule for this, so it'll be written as i feel like it basically lol. 
> 
> this fic will cover the entire series and go into post-series (if it goes as planned lol). 
> 
> you can read about the second christmas teal'c mentions in the novella by Sally Malcolm called Permafrost. It's really good! 
> 
> the title is from 'wintersong' by sarah mclachlan. it's one of my fave sad christmas songs and i think it works well for pining!teal'c.

 

The planet designated P5T-7B6 was cold. Teal’c could feel it in the suppressed shivers running through O’Neill’s body where he pressed against Teal’c’s shoulder; could see it in Major Carter’s flushed red cheeks and in the way Daniel Jackson chafed his hands to try and keep them warm. Teal’c could see it in his own breath, clouded in front of his face, even as his symbiote prevented him from feeling any adverse effects of the cold. It had snowed between the SGC’s reception of the MALP footage and SG-1’s arrival, but not enough to delay the mission until the snow cleared. That fine layering of snow was working against them now, allowing the warriors from the village to track them better than they would have been able to otherwise. 

 

“Think they took the bait?” O’Neill asked. His shivers did not appear in his voice. 

 

Teal’c nodded; after laying the false trail, he had lingered nearby to ensure their pursuers had followed it before returning to the cave SG-1 was currently huddled in. 

 

“Good.” O’Neill continued to scan the surrounding forest, bringing his hands up to blow on them for warmth. “Then all we have to do is wait until the chase dies down, make a break for it and get the hell out of here.” 

 

“How long until we go?” Daniel Jackson asked. 

 

“It may be a while, Daniel.” 

 

A pause, and then - “At least it’ll be a white Christmas, sir.” 

 

O’Neill snorted, cutting an amused glance at Major Carter. “Yeah, at least there’s that.” 

 

Teal’c considered. If his time-keeping was correct, it was currently Christmas morning on Earth. Although it was his fourth time experiencing Christmas since he had joined the Tau’ri, he was still mostly unfamiliar with the traditions and rites associated with the holiday. He spent his first Christmas fighting the false goddess Hathor in the SGC, and the second had been spent recovering from a gunshot wound in the infirmary. The Christmas previous to this one was not much better: the holiday had fallen shortly after the death of Sha’re, while Daniel Jackson was still engaging in mourning rites for her on Abydos. 

 

O’Neill had been very insistent that these experiences were not the usual Christmas traditions.Teal’c felt the closest he had come to celebrating a traditional Tau’ri Christmas was when he attended the party the Fraisers had held the previous week. He had been forced to acknowledge that although he had spent more time on Earth than Cassandra Fraiser, she seemed to have a much better grasp of the holiday than he. 

 

Teal’c had been looking forward to this Christmas, not so much because of the holiday but for the time away from the SGC. Both Major Carter and O’Neill had been planning to visit relatives, which meant that the team would be grounded and Teal’c would be able to take the opportunity to visit his family in the Land of Light. Now it seemed it was not to be. 

 

Teal’c was apparently not the only one whose thoughts had been turning toward his family. O’Neill bumped his shoulder against Teal’c’s, eyes still peering into the forest. “I know it won’t technically be Christmas, but I’ll talk to Hammond about getting you some time off. I don’t think it’ll be a problem.” 

 

Teal’c dipped his head. “Thank you, O’Neill. What of your plans?” 

 

O’Neill shrugged, his corner of his mouth quirking downwards. “Yeah, well, it’s not like I haven’t missed Christmas with the folks before.” 

 

This, Teal’c was very aware of. It seemed as if O’Neill and Daniel Jackson had talked of little else in the past four weeks. From what Teal’c had gathered from the quiet conversations he had overheard and from his own knowledge of O’Neill, it seemed as if O’Neill had not been to see his parents for Christmas since the year before his son had died. Daniel Jackson seemed to have made it his mission to get O’Neill to see them this year. A week ago O’Neill had conceded with ill-grace, muttering under his breath while Daniel Jackson loomed over his shoulder watching O’Neill make the travel arrangements. Teal’c had been impressed with Daniel Jackson’s skills in persuasion. O’Neill simply called Daniel Jackson a bully, but the way he squeezed Daniel Jackson’s shoulder made it clear that he was happy to be ‘bullied’. 

 

O’Neill was just as clearly unhappy at the thought of missing Christmas with his parents now that he had made the decision to go. Daniel Jackson also seemed unhappy, judging by the growing frown on his face. 

 

“Jack,” he said, “I’m sure if you talk to Hammond, he’ll give you the time off. You can still go visit.” 

 

O’Neill nodded. “I know. I just might.” 

 

“Good. I’m glad.” The smile could be heard in Daniel Jackson’s voice. Teal’c snuck a look at him before turning back to the snowy trees. They were easier to look at. 

 

“What about you, Carter? You’re not going to make your flight at this rate.” 

 

“I know, sir.” Major Carter replied. “I’ll probably still go visit Mark and the family but I don’t think Dad will be able to stay that long.” 

 

“The Tok’Ra need him back that soon?” 

 

“Yessir. He was lucky to be able to make it at all.” 

 

Teal’c heard a shuffling of fabric behind him and glanced back to find Daniel Jackson’s hand now on Major Carter’s shoulder, rubbing comfortingly. “I’m sorry, Sam. I know you were looking forward to him coming home.” 

 

Major Carter smiled gently, reaching up to squeeze Daniel’s hand briefly before resituating her grip on her P90. “Thanks, Daniel. What about you? I hope your plans don’t fall through.” 

 

Daniel Jackson laughed shortly. Teal’c, knowing O’Neill was keeping watch, let his eyes linger for a moment longer than he would normally allow. 

 

“My plans aren’t going anywhere. It’s not like my backlog is going to grow legs and gate away.” 

 

Teal’c frowned, glancing at O’Neill and seeing the same frown mirrored back at him. Major Carter spoke behind them, sounding confused. 

 

“Your backlog - oh my god, Daniel, you said you had  _ plans _ , you said you were doing something for the holidays -” 

 

“I am!” Daniel Jackson said, sounding indignant. “I’m  _ planning _ to catch up on my backlog.”

 

Teal’c didn’t have to look at O’Neill to know he was rolling his eyes. 

 

“Daniel, you can’t stay at the SGC over Christmas and catch up on your backlog. It’s  _ Christmas _ . That means taking a break and doing something fun for once, not staying at work.” O’Neill said with exasperation. 

 

“It’s Christmas Day right now and we’re all at work. Technically.” 

 

O’Neill sighed deeply, as if Daniel Jackson was a huge burden he was being forced to bear. “Yes, Daniel, but this is a mission gone south, not paperwork.” 

 

“Jack, it’s not like we could have known that we gating in on the Winter’s Solstice, or that the local culture thinks that strangers who appear on the eve of the Winter’s Solstice are actually demonic spirits that need to be ritually sacrificed in order to preserve the sanctity of the village and keep in good standing with their gods -” 

 

“Daniel!” O’Neill cut him off, turning around to glare at Daniel Jackson in the gathering gloom. Teal’c looked back toward the woods, keeping watch as O’Neill trusted him to do, while listening to the conversation behind him. 

 

“That’s all beside the point right now, and don’t think you can misdirect me because it’s not going to work. The bottom line is you’re not spending Christmas at work and sleeping at your desk - and don’t pretend you wouldn’t! No Daniel, you’ll be coming home with me this Christmas. I know the folks would love to meet you.” 

 

Teal’c didn’t need to look into the cave to know that Daniel Jackson was already shaking his head. 

 

“No, Jack,” Daniel Jackson said. “I’m not going to come and crash your family’s Christmas celebrations. I know this is a special year for you, I-I wouldn’t feel comfortable forcing myself in on that.” 

 

O’Neill sighed, this time in defeat. “You wouldn’t be forcing yourself in anywhere.” But Teal’c knew, as Daniel Jackson must have, that O’Neill would not pursue the issue now that Daniel Jackson had expressed discomfort. 

 

“You can always stay with me and Mark’s family. I know we’d all love to have you.” 

 

“Thanks, Sam, but you really don’t have to feel obligated to invite me. I really appreciate the offer, both of you, but I promise, I’ll be fine.” 

 

Teal’c caught O’Neill’s eye and signalled that he should replace Teal’c on watch. O’Neill nodded and did so, allowing Teal’c to move toward Major Carter and Daniel Jackson. He sat beside them carefully, far too aware of the weight of Daniel Jackson’s eyes on him. When he felt he had gathered his words together, he looked up and met Daniel Jackson’s eyes, curiously watching him. 

 

“Daniel Jackson,” he said, “when I asked you about this holiday, did you not say Christmas is a time for gathering with family?” 

 

Daniel Jackson smiled, a glint of vindication coming into his eyes. “Yes, Teal’c, yes, that’s exactly why I can’t -” 

 

Teal’c cut him off gently, letting his eyes soften. “Then I am glad to be here with you today.” 

 

Daniel Jackson’s smile slipped, his hands tightening in his lap. Then he swallowed and ducked his head. 

 

Major Carter placed her hand on Daniel Jackson’s knee and squeezed. “Me too, Daniel.” 

 

“Couldn’t have said it better myself, T.” O’Neill said from the mouth of the cave. 

 

Daniel Jackson finally looked up, a smile back on his face. It was a shyly pleased smile, the one that Teal’c thought the past years had beaten out of him, fading as he lost so much and gained so little. Teal’c felt warm for seeing it again. 

 

“Thanks, Teal’c.” he said softly. Teal’c dipped his head in acknowledgement, and tucked this moment away in his heart to be remembered in dark times. 

 

“I am also glad you are available to accompany me to visit Rya’c and Drey’auc in the Land of Light. Rya’c has long shown an interest in learning more of the cultures of other worlds. He will be very interested in learning more about Tau’ri Christmas traditions.” 

 

Daniel Jackson floundered wordlessly for a moment before shaking his head with a laugh. “Well, alright. Then I’ll be happy to go. Thank you, again.” 

 

“You are very welcome, Daniel Jackson.” Teal’c hesitated for the briefest moment, then dared to reach out and squeeze Daniel Jackson’s shoulder, much as he had seen Major Carter and O’Neill do before but rarely did so himself. Daniel Jackson’s smile became blinding. 

 

Warm to the core of his being, Teal’c began to move towards the mouth of the cave, but stopped at O’Neill’s voice. “Ah - Teal’c? I got this. Why don’t you Kelno’reem and get some rest. That goes for everybody. Then we’ll move out.” 

 

Teal’c nodded and resettled next to Daniel Jackson amid a chorus of acknowledgements. He closed his eyes and began to center himself, using the hot press of Daniel Jackson’s thigh against his own as a focal point. The soft sounds of conversation between Major Carter and Daniel Jackson and the snatches of O’Neill humming a tune he remembered hearing at the SGC before they departed followed him into meditation, and Teal’c felt at peace.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some notes: this part takes place in season 6, so it necessarily deals with the losses teal'c experiences that season (mostly daniel and drey'auc, but junior is also mentioned) and how teal'c mourns those losses on christmas. so please feel free to skip this part if that is not your cup of tea. in other news, the next part should be happier!!

 

Teal’c woke to darkness and tried to ignore the sense of vertigo and loss he always experienced upon waking. He was still unused to sleep but from the look Dr. Frasier had given him when questioned, he had gathered that humans did not feel this sensation. He was attempting to work past it, but sometimes it felt he never would. 

 

Not allowing himself time to adjust, he sat up and began to dress. He was forced to steady himself briefly on the wall as he pulled on his boots, anger and fear twisting in his stomach. He would need to talk to O’Neill about his growing weakness soon or risk compromising the team; the thought of that conversation only made his stomach twist harder. 

 

He was startled from his dark thoughts by a knock on the door of his quarters and then Jonas Quinn’s voice calling his name. 

 

Teal’c pulled the door open and was greeted by Jonas Quinn’s smiling face. 

 

“Hi, Teal’c! Merry Christmas!” 

 

Almost unwillingly, Teal’c felt his mood buoyed by Jonas Quinn’s enthusiasm. It was one of the most endearing qualities of his new friend. 

 

Teal’c stepped out into the hallway, closing his door behind him, and began to follow Jonas Quinn towards the elevators. “Merry Christmas, Jonas Quinn. Do you celebrate this holiday on your homeworld?” 

 

Jonas Quinn shook his head, throwing another smile at Teal’c. “No, no, we don’t celebrate Christmas, although we do celebrate a midwinter holiday that has some similarities. I just figured that I should try to celebrate Earth holidays since I’m living here now and this one seems to be pretty important.”

 

Teal’c nodded. Jonas Quinn brought his usual amount of enthusiasm and passion for learning to Tau’ri customs and practices, even though he rarely left the mountain to interact with the Earth populace. He had been particularly excited about Halloween. 

 

“I think the base is pretty much cleared out now, between people taking time off and SG-3 and 5 off-world.” Jonas Quinn continued, pressing the button to call the elevator. “They weren’t very happy to be off-world over the holidays.” 

 

“Indeed. Christmas is considered a time to gather with one’s family.” Colonel Reynolds had been particularly unhappy to be on rotation over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, as it was his child’s second Christmas this year. 

 

Jonas Quinn frowned, throwing Teal’c a questioning look as they stepped into the elevator together. He selected the level for the cafeteria and remained silent for several levels before speaking carefully.  “If Christmas is a time for being with your family, then why weren’t Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter happy to go visit theirs?” 

 

Teal’c swallowed heavily, taking a moment to deliberate on his words as they stepped off the elevator. As they reached the doors of the cafeteria he finally spoke. 

 

“Christmas is a time to be with your family. Because of this, it is also a time that reminds you of those you love who are no longer with you.” 

 

At his words, Jonas Quinn stopped, mid-reach to the coffee pot. “You mean Dr. Jackson.” 

 

Teal’c nodded again, feeling the weight of loss bowing his shoulders. “Indeed.” 

 

He had been blindsided by how much it hurt to not have Daniel Jackson here at this time of year. He had only truly spent two Christmases with SG-1 as a team, and he doubted most humans would consider eating pizza while recovering from a gunshot wound or huddling in a freezing cave to avoid enemy eyes especially festive. But they were precious memories for Teal’c because of who he had been with at the time. With Daniel Jackson absent, he found he could not capture that feeling of warmth those past events had left him with. 

 

He also keenly felt the loss of Drey’auc. They had never celebrated Christmas or many other holidays together, but he had come to associate Christmas with going to see his family. Now he would never see Drey’auc again in this life and only knew that Rya’c was safe with Bra’tac. It was harder to bear on this day then he thought it would be. 

 

Jonas Quinn sighed heavily and sat down at the nearest table without even pouring himself a cup of coffee. After a moment, Teal’c sat across from him. 

 

“I’m sorry, Teal’c, I didn’t think of it that way.” 

 

Teal’c dipped his head in acknowledgement, using the movement to take a moment to gather his emotions. 

 

Jonas Quinn spoke again, voice hesitant. “I don’t know as much about Tau’ri traditions or-or Jaffa traditions but...is there something you’d like to do? To acknowledge or honour Dr. Jackson and your wife?” 

 

Teal’c looked up at Jonas Quinn, knowing he looked surprised but unable to care. Jonas Quinn was looking at him earnestly, sympathy in his eyes. 

 

Teal’c smiled. He knew this willingness to help was why O’Neill had selected Jonas Quinn to join SG-1. 

 

“On my homeworld of Chulak, we sometimes acknowledge those who have passed by lighting candles and incense and meditating on our experiences with them. I would be honoured if you would join me.” 

 

Jonas Quinn grinned back at him. “I’d love to.” 

 

Teal’c nodded and stood. He and Jonas Quinn would eat, spend the day together, and spend the evening acknowledging the dead. He knew it would bring him some peace, and hoped the other members of his team would find the same peace this Christmas, regardless of where they were. 

 

(Teal’c woke to darkness and tried to ignore the sense of vertigo and loss he had started to experience upon waking since he had the kidney surgery done. The doctors told him his recovery was going well but he still didn’t feel as strong as he had before the surgery. 

 

Teal’c dug his head deeper into his pillow and breathed deep. The room smelled like bacon, so Shauna must be downstairs already making breakfast. Brae would be over in a bit, then they’d open presents and head over to the fire hall for the Christmas potluck lunch. Probie said he made a mean shortbread and Teal’c was looking forward to trying some. 

 

Teal’c began to sit up then caught sight of the man perched on the edge of his bed. Despite the fact that he hadn’t seen him since the hospital, it felt almost natural to have this man in his bedroom. 

 

“Hi, Teal’c. Merry Christmas.” 

 

Teal’c leaned up on his elbow, studying the face in front of him. It felt like it had been much longer than a couple of months. “Dr. Jackson?” 

 

Dr. Jackson smiled, eyes flicking downward before coming back up to look into Teal’c’s. “Please, call me Daniel.” 

 

“Daniel.” Teal’c lingered over the name; it felt like he’d said it before but it didn’t feel quite right at the same time. “What are you doing here?” 

 

Daniel continued to smile, but it looked more brittle, sadder. “I...just came to see how you are. Check up on you.” 

 

Teal’c snorted. “Is that standard procedure?” 

 

Daniel’s gaze fell back to the blanket and his smile faded to the slightest wisp. Teal’c felt it like a vise around his heart. “Not exactly.” 

 

Strangely unable to bear the sadness that had seemed to settle around Daniel like a cloak, Teal’c reached out and placed his hand over his. Daniel froze and looked back up at him. 

 

“Whatever the reason,” Teal’c said, staring straight into Daniel’s eyes. He had missed that shade of blue, more than he expected to after meeting the guy only twice. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

 

Daniel stared at him for a moment, before a shy smile spread across his face and lit his eyes. He turned his hand under Teal’c’s and squeezed. “Thanks, Teal’c. That - means more than you know.” 

 

Teal’c propped himself up, so he was facing Daniel, his legs still under the blanket. The room seemed almost too warm, pressing in around them like they were the only two people in the world. He reached out and laid his hand against Daniel’s cheek, brushing aside the nervous twisting in his gut.  _ It doesn’t matter _ , he thought, stroking his thumb gently across Daniel’s cheek,  _ I must be dreaming. How else would he be here? _

 

Daniel was staring at him desperately, like a drowning man looked at dry land that he knew he would never reach. He kept listing to the side before correcting, as if he began leaning into the hand on his cheek before remembering himself and pulling away. Teal’c squeezed Daniel’s hand, implicit permission to lean as much as he wanted. 

 

“You should stay,” Teal’c said, and felt the desire for Daniel’s presence echo throughout his entire body. “Spend the day with us. I know the team would love to see you.” 

 

Daniel swallowed, still staring. “I - that would be wonderful, but I really can’t stay. I’m not really supposed to be here.” he said, throwing a quick glance over his shoulder. 

 

Teal’c rubbed his thumb over Daniel’s cheek again, felt the shuddering breath Daniel took as he did. “If you gotta go, I won’t keep you. I’m just happy you stopped by.” 

 

Daniel laughed, his eyes wet. “Me too. God - Teal’c, just.” He paused, then continued recklessly, “Remember, you’re not alone. I’m always here.” 

 

Teal’c nodded, reassured despite himself. Daniel smiled at him, and ever so gently brushed his own fingers against Teal’c’s face. Teal’c’s eyelids fluttered at the softness of the touch. 

 

“Go back to sleep, Teal’c,” Daniel said, his voice hushed and raw, “go back to sleep, and when you wake up, everything is going to be alright.” Teal’c closed his eyes, the room brightening around them, the feel of Daniel Jackson fading, and -) 

 

Teal’c woke to darkness and tried to ignore the sense of vertigo and loss he always experienced upon waking.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is not happier. whoops. takes place after the evolution 2 parter in season 7.

 

 

“Another drink, Teal’c?” 

 

Teal’c shook his head; his glass was still half full. “I am fine, O’Neill.” 

 

O’Neill raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, just trying to be a good host. There’s always more where that came from. And, buddy,” he continued, nudging Teal’c in the side, “you just let me know if you want something stronger.” 

 

Teal’c quirked his eyebrow. “You are aware that I do not drink alcohol.” 

 

“Yeah, I know. But I live in perpetual hope that someday you’ll change your mind and I’ll finally be able to see what you look like drunk.” 

 

“Indeed.” Teal’c said forbiddingly, masking his amusement by taking a drink of his soda. 

 

O’Neill was not fooled and simply laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Well, if you don’t need anything, I’m going to keep circulating.” 

 

“O’Neill.” Teal’c stopped him with a hand on O’Neill’s arm. “Everyone is provided for. You may rest.” 

 

O’Neill waved him off, already looking away. “Yeah, in a bit Teal’c.” he said distractedly, before heading across the room to where Dr. Frasier was embroiled in cheerful conversation with Colonel Reynolds.

 

Teal’c sighed and took another sip of his soda. O’Neill was determined that tonight be ‘perfect’. That apparently meant spending the entire evening refilling guests’ drinks and providing more food than anyone could possibly eat. Teal’c was aware that this was the first time in many years that O’Neill had hosted a Christmas celebration, or indeed, any event that was attended by more than SG-1 and a few scattered others. Teal’c did not remember this many people being at O’Neill’s residence at the same time since the wake they held for Daniel Jackson when they mistakenly thought him dead in their first year together. 

 

Daniel Jackson, who currently sat in O’Neill’s armchair, conversing with Major Carter. 

 

Teal’c took a moment to consider him. He had never expected to see Daniel Jackson again in this life outside of dreams, and thought it unlikely to see him in the next; Teal’c doubted ascended beings interacted with the departed souls of the those who lived in the lower realms. But counter to all of Teal’c’s expectations, Daniel Jackson was back in his physical form, close enough to talk to, to watch, to touch. 

 

And close enough to be hurt, Teal’c thought darkly, studying the crutches leaning against Daniel Jackson’s chair. Although it had been weeks since his return from South America and his recovery was progressing well, Teal’c was still disturbed by Daniel Jackson’s injury, and his helplessness in the face of it. He was only glad O’Neill had been able to ensure Daniel Jackson’s safety and punish those who had dared harm him. 

 

Teal’c ducked his head, struggling to master his emotions before his gaze was inevitably dragged back to Daniel Jackson. His return from ascension had also prompted the return of feelings and thoughts Teal’c had thought buried after long years of suppression and denial. 

 

It was impossible, Teal’c acknowledged while idly cataloguing Daniel Jackson’s features for the umpteenth time. It was impossible for Daniel Jackson to feel as Teal’c did. Not after everything that had happened between them and at Teal’c’s hand. Better to be grateful for his continuing friendship. These thoughts would fade from a keen longing to a dull ache with time, as they had done before. It was simply difficult to remember that with the object of his desires so close after so long an absence. 

 

As if able to sense the pattern of Teal’c’s thoughts, Daniel Jackson glanced toward him. Teal’c hurriedly looked away before their eyes could meet and began heading to the door to O’Neill’s deck. Perhaps some outside air would free him from such maudlin thoughts. 

 

Teal’c exited through the sliding door, catching his breath at the touch of the cold. Colorado Springs always saw a fair amount of snow at Christmas time in Teal’c’s experience, although it never quite approached the usual amount of snow seen on Chulak during the winter. But Teal’c was still not used to fully experiencing the cold without his symbiote to aid him and he found himself longing for his coat. 

 

He did not wish for it for long; he had barely brushed the snow off of one of the chairs on the deck before the sliding door opened again. Daniel Jackson stood there, wrapped in his own coat and holding Teal’c’s, along with two glasses of eggnog.

 

“Hey, Teal’c.” he said, smiling wryly, “sorry, you mind taking one of these? It’s more difficult than I thought to use crutches and hold glasses. Books are a lot easier.” 

 

Teal’c wordlessly brushed the snow off another chair and a table, took both glasses and his coat, and held his arm out to guide Daniel Jackson to the nearest seat. 

 

Daniel Jackson smiled up at him, strain showing around his eyes. “Thanks, Teal’c. Little slippery out here.” 

 

Teal’c raised an eyebrow, shrugging into his coat. Daniel Jackson cleared his throat awkwardly and lowered his eyes to the deck. Teal’c stared at him for a moment longer before taking the seat next to him. 

 

“Why are you out here, Daniel Jackson?” 

 

“Well,” Daniel Jackson said, picking up one of the glasses of eggnog. “Sam thought she’d try getting Jack to actually sit still for five minutes and enjoy the party, so I thought I would come check on you, see how you were doing.” Daniel Jackson finished by looking at him guilelessly, taking a sip of his eggnog. He frowned immediately, ruining his attempt to seem innocent. 

 

“Oh, sorry, this one’s yours. Mine has rum in it. Do you mind -” Daniel Jackson gestured with the glass. Teal’c took it from him and took a sip of his own, successfully resisting the urge to drink from the same spot Daniel Jackson just had. 

 

“Why are you truly out here, Daniel Jackson?” he asked again. 

 

“What, you don’t believe me?” Daniel Jackson asked, sounding injured. Teal’c simply met his gaze until he snorted. “Yeah, okay, I don’t blame you.” 

 

Daniel Jackson took off his glasses, holding them in his lap. He was nervous, Teal’c realized, and hesitant to begin this conversation. Teal’c felt his stomach twist, his previous thoughts still too close to his mind. 

 

“Sam did actually go to check on Jack. But that was after I saw you leave.” Daniel Jackson looked back up at him, his glasses no longer shielding his eyes. “You looked...upset, and I thought I’d just let you know that - I know how you feel.” 

 

Teal’c felt pinned in his seat like the insects he had seen in the Natural History Museum Daniel Jackson had taken him to shortly after his arrival on Earth. For a brief, wild moment, he thought that Daniel Jackson had somehow divined how he felt about him. It couldn’t be, Teal’c knew. No one knew how he felt about Daniel Jackson, not even those closest to him. He sometimes suspected that O’Neill may have an inkling, but they had never discussed it, just as they had never discussed O’Neill’s hidden feelings for Major Carter. Some things even blood brothers could not speak of lightly. 

 

“I remember,” Daniel Jackson continued, not seeming to notice how shaken Teal’c felt, “the first Christmas after Sha’re died. It didn’t make any sense to me, how upset I was, because we had never celebrated it together; they didn’t really have anything like Christmas on Abydos. But seeing everyone with their families, it made me miss her more. So I know how you feel.” 

 

He was talking about Drey’auc, Teal’c realized. Daniel Jackson had pursued him outside, believing him upset about the loss of his wife, while he was in fact mourning the impossibility of a relationship between the two of them. 

 

A great flood of shame swept over him. He had been a poor husband to Drey’auc when she lived, and continued to be so even after her death. So soon after losing her and he was already putting his longing for another man over his duty to mourn for his wife and the mother of his son. 

 

Daniel Jackson was still looking at him, sympathy shining in his eyes. Teal’c could not bear to look at him, fixing his gaze determinedly on the ground. 

 

There was a long moment of silence, in which Teal’c assumed Daniel Jackson expected him to speak. When he did not, Daniel Jackson cleared his throat softly, and gently placed his hand on Teal’c’s knee. 

 

“Teal’c,” he said, and waited. Teal’c forced himself to look at him, shame pooling in his gut like tar. He was beautiful, and Teal’c hated himself for noticing it in this moment. “I know how hard this is, and I’m here if you ever want to talk.” 

 

Yes, Daniel Jackson did know how difficult it was to lose and mourn one’s wife. He was intimately aware, due to Teal’c’s own actions. The pool of shame became an ocean. 

 

“You are too kind to me, Daniel Jackson.” he choked out. 

 

Daniel Jackson smiled and shook his head, his hand squeezing Teal’c’s knee. “That’s impossible.” 

 

They sat like that for a long moment, Teal’c frozen by shame and the excruciating warmth of Daniel Jackson’s hand upon his body. The moment was broken when Teal’c finally managed to look beyond himself and noticed the shaking of Daniel Jackson’s frame. 

 

“You are cold,” he said. 

 

Daniel Jackson blinked. “Sorry?” he asked distractedly, finally looking away from Teal’c’s face. He seemed to return to himself from far away, removing his hand from Teal’c’s knee and clenching it in his lap. “Cold, yes, it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it?”

 

“Indeed,” Teal’c said, unsure as to the reason for the return of Daniel Jackson’s awkwardness. Ultimately, it did not matter. “You are still injured. You should return inside.” 

 

Daniel Jackson seemed to shake off his awkwardness. “Come with me?” he said coaxingly. “It’s slippery, I wouldn’t want to hurt myself.” 

 

The ploy was transparent: Daniel Jackson obviously did not feel as if Teal’c should be left alone right now. In any other moment, Teal’c would appreciate his friend’s efforts. Unwillingly, he still found himself charmed by Daniel Jackson’s smile. 

 

Teal’c stood and offered his hand to help Daniel Jackson up. Daniel Jackson took it and got himself resettled on his crutches. 

 

“C’mon,” he said, “let’s find Sam and see if we can help her sit on Jack long enough to get him to eat something.” 

 

Teal’c nodded, gathering up the eggnog glasses and following Daniel Jackson to the door, ready to steady him if he stumbled. He would gladly join the search for O’Neill, as it would help distract him from his thoughts this evening. Maybe with enough distraction he would feel some peace. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place during series finale unending. you'll know the scene.

 

It was their first Christmas onboard the Odyssey and Teal’c hoped it would be the only one, if only to spare Colonel Mitchell the effort he had gone to. Colonel Mitchell had been incredibly enthusiastic about the Asgard transporter that Colonel Carter had adjusted to create matter, dubbing it ‘very Star Trek’. He had used it to create all kinds of Christmas decorations and presents, which now adorned the mess hall and other parts of the ship. 

 

He had even created a clump of mistletoe, which he now held aloft as he leaned across the table to kiss Colonel Carter. 

 

“Oh, c’mon, mistletoe?” Daniel Jackson protested from Teal’c’s left. 

 

Colonel Mitchell hummed into the kiss and Colonel Carter pulled away, laughing. 

 

“Yep! It’s not Christmas without mistletoe, Jackson.” Colonel Mitchell said happily, before leaning in to kiss Vala Mal Doran. 

 

Teal’c remembered O’Neill saying something similar the last Christmas he had spent with them. They had been off-world visiting a village that Daniel Jackson stated had Norse roots. There had been clumps of mistletoe hanging in many of the doorways. Teal’c had spent a lot of time making sure doorways were clear of other people before approaching them. 

 

Vala Mal Doran and Colonel Mitchell broke their kiss with a smack and Vala Mal Doran snatched the mistletoe from his hand.

 

“Wait a minute,” she said, glancing between them all, “is this one of those bizarre Tau’ri customs? As long as you’re holding this plant you have to kiss everyone around you?” 

 

“Well, that’s not exactly -” Daniel Jackson started to say before Colonel Mitchell cut him off. 

 

“That is exactly right. Absolutely correct.” 

 

Vala Mal Doran grinned. “Well, in that case -” she said, and turned around in Daniel Jackson’s lap to kiss him deeply. 

 

Teal’c dropped his gaze to the table immediately, trying to block out the sounds of Colonel Mitchell whooping and Vala Mal Doran’s muffled laughter. He was happy for his friends, happy that they had found some joy together. He hadn’t seen Daniel Jackson smile this much in years and Vala Mal Doran actually seemed to be honestly happy rather than just pretending to be. They both deserved this fortune, after all they had been through. Teal’c’s jealousy was a disservice to them both, and to the friendship he shared with them. 

 

Teal’c lifted his gaze and was ensnared by Colonel Carter, her expression sympathetic. Teal’c felt his stomach drop and had to look away from her understanding eyes. 

 

Shortly after Daniel Jackson and Vala Mal Doran’s relationship became known, Teal’c had confided in Colonel Carter in a moment of weakness. It was the first time Teal’c had ever imbibed alcohol, and he was determined it would be the only time. 

 

He had believed that finally baring his heart to another would ease his burden and it had for a time. He also believed it helpful for Colonel Carter to talk about how much she missed O’Neill, and how difficult it was to be trapped here without him. But in this moment, he regretted that conversation fiercely, for it meant another knew of his shameful thoughts. 

 

A wet noise to his left signalled the kiss was over. Teal’c snuck a glance over; Daniel Jackson looked dazed, his hair mussed by Vala Mal Doran’s fingers. Teal’c’s gut swirled with an ugly mixture of shame and want. 

 

Before Teal’c had the chance to crush mask those emotions, Vala Mal Doran stood, sashayed down the table, and dropped herself into Teal’c’s lap. She held out the mistletoe in her palm and curled her other arm around Teal’c’s neck. 

 

“Pucker up, Muscles.” she said, and leaned in. 

 

Teal’c kept the kiss chaste. He told himself it was out of respect for Vala Mal Doran and her still-new relationship with Daniel Jackson, but it was truly out of self preservation. It was difficult enough, to be in love with one member of his team. He could not acknowledge any feelings that may have grown for anyone else.  

 

Vala Mal Doran pulled back with a kiss, and placed another quick kiss on his cheek. Teal’c felt warm and barely managed to squash the smile before it was visible. Vala Mal Doran obviously saw the smile anyway and gave him a quick grin before hoisting herself out of his lap and swinging around the table to squeeze in next to Colonel Carter, who was already leaning in with a tolerant smile. 

 

Colonel Mitchell sat on Teal’c’s left, slapping him congenially on the shoulder. Teal’c glanced at him and found his eyes drawn to Daniel Jackson against his will. 

 

Daniel Jackson was already looking at him, resting his chin in his hand and leaning on the table. He still looked dazed, his eyes slightly out of focus even with his glasses. His cheeks were flushed red, his hair was still mussed, and his mouth was slightly open. 

 

Teal’c swallowed and looked away. 

 

“Think fast!” Vala Mal Doran cried, evidently finished kissing Colonel Carter (who was flushed quite red herself). She tossed the mistletoe across the table to a confused looking Daniel Jackson. He caught it, and then his expression fell. 

 

“Vala, I don’t think -” 

 

“Oh c’mon, Daniel, live a little! It’s Christmastime, and apparently that means kissing all your friends on your world, so…” Vala Mal Doran trailed off, gesturing between Daniel Jackson and Colonel Mitchell. 

 

Who took one look at each other and said in unison, “No.” 

 

“Daniel…” Vala Mal Doran wheedled. 

 

Daniel Jackson rolled his eyes, and ducked in to kiss Colonel Mitchell on the cheek before he could protest. Colonel Mitchell made a large show of wiping off his cheek in disgust. 

 

“You are so  _ whipped _ , Jackson.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” 

 

“Oh, that barely counted Daniel. Now keep going, and do better next time.” Vala Mal Doran said.

 

Daniel Jackson goggled at her. “Wait, what?” 

 

Teal’c had a horrible feeling that he knew where this was going. The feeling was immediately confirmed by Vala Mal Doran’s gesture toward him. 

 

Daniel Jackson turned to look at him, his eyes widening. “Oh.” 

 

“Look,” Colonel Carter cut in, looking worried, “Maybe we should quit while we’re ahead.” 

 

“It’s fine. Right, Teal’c?” Vala Mal Doran, turning to look at him, expression open and welcoming. He knew she would stop this entire endeavour if he said so. All he had to do was decline, and he would not have to kiss Daniel Jackson. There would be no questions, no disparaging remarks, and the entire incident would be forgotten. 

 

And he would never know how Daniel Jackson kissed. 

 

“I do not mind,” Teal’c said, and damned himself. 

 

Daniel Jackson cleared his throat and leaned across Colonel Mitchell toward Teal’c. Out of the corner of his eye, Teal’c could see Colonel Carter watching like she was seeing the approach of an oncoming tel’tak but could not stop it. Teal’c could not fully analyze her expression; his field of vision was consumed by Daniel Jackson. 

 

Daniel Jackson leaned close and hesitated, inches away from Teal’c. His eyes searched Teal’c’s face before resting a long moment on Teal’c’s lips. Then Daniel Jackson leaned all the way in, and their lips connected. 

 

It was an awkward kiss. Colonel Mitchell was pressed uncomfortably between them. Teal’c could feel nothing of Daniel Jackson’s body, only his lips, which were closed and firm, unyielding. 

 

It was still one of the best kisses Teal’c had ever experienced, simply because he had been longing for it for so long. 

 

After a moment that felt like both an eon and a split second, Daniel Jackson leaned back, practically falling back into his own seat. His face was flushed redder than before and he was breathing heavily, almost panting. 

 

“You couldn’t’ve gone around me?” Colonel Mitchell asked, exasperated. 

 

Daniel Jackson did not reply immediately, only seeming to notice Colonel Mitchell’s comment after Colonel Mitchell knocked his knee. 

 

“Hm, what? Oh, I just thought it’d be….quicker, y’know?” he quirked a pained looking smile, unable to look anyone in the eye for more than a second. 

 

“Indeed.”  Teal’c said, glancing across the table at Vala Mal Doran and Colonel Carter. Colonel Carter was staring determinedly at the table, a pained wince painting her features. Vala Mal Doran was looking between himself and Daniel Jackson, a look of calculation entering her eyes. 

 

Teal’c could not allow her to reach any conclusions. Especially any conclusions that were correct. He mercilessly crushed his own emotions and pulled on the mask he had perfected while serving Apophis. He had done much work to dismantle it over the years, but it was still useful occasionally. 

 

“Daniel Jackson,” he said, “should you not continue?” 

 

Daniel Jackson stared at him for a moment, his mouth hanging open. Teal’c ignored the shiver that crept down his spine. 

 

“Oh, right!” Daniel Jackson said, and leaned across to peck Colonel Carter on the lips. Vala Mal Doran’s expression shifted from knowing to delight, and Teal’c was satisfied, despite the ache in his heart.

 

After that, the activities of the day moved on. They opened presents and listened to carols and taught Vala Mal Doran a variety of Christmas traditions. Colonel Mitchell put the adjusted transporter to the test by attempting to make several different kinds of alcohol and mixed drinks. 

 

And throughout it all, Daniel Jackson barely looked at him once. 

 

Teal’c experienced it all through a haze of unreality, his responses coming slower than usual. Colonel Carter stayed by his side throughout the day, fielding conversation for him so that he could internalize and process the events of this Christmas. Despite this haze, the lack of Daniel Jackson’s attention still stung. 

 

Teal’c was a fool. After almost a decade trapped in a hopeless love, he thought he had learned better. 

 

He hoped they escaped this time dilation field soon. The sooner they did, the sooner they could defeat the Ori, and the sooner he could return to the Jaffa Free Nation to pick up the pieces. Maybe with some distance, he could find some peace. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and happy holidays!


End file.
